I really enjoy social media! I love seeing what everyone is up to and what their take on life is. Seeing notifications of likes, new followers, comments is a buzz! At the same time, it’s scary putting on my big girl boots and putting myself out there...
How will others perceive me?
Will they think I’m showing off
Will I just look like a dork?
Will I be judged because I’m growing a network marketing business?
Will they think enough all ready with the oil posts?
All of those questions but I do it anyway.
I choose not to post and share the intensely private sad stuff. I understand others need to share bereavement and I feel privileged to be able to express my sorrow for them but its my choice to keep all of that private and share it with those physically around me.
I get it, the Pollyanna glad game thing isn’t everyone’s jam. But it is mine. It’s how I cope. I made a very conscious choice when I became a heart mum at 25 years old that I could fall apart and lose everything. I could lose my son, my dreams of a family of five kids my marriage, my joy, my sanity or I could find something in every situation to be happy and positive about. Of course there are dark thoughts, moments, days and I curl up, inhale my oils and breathe through those times and allow myself to feel pain but I am able to find the positive even if I have to look extra hard sometimes to find it.
I take great comfort that I can find it in my soul to shake off drama, sorrow, fear and worry. My glass is so half full, it’s practically overflowing. I simply don’t get the point of being miserable, constantly fearful and over dramatic over every day stuff or even the really big stuff. For me nothing is ever going to be worse than being told my child would die and nothing will ever be more joyful than having been able to keep him and see him grow up with his siblings.
I have been the kid who was picked last for the team at school, the girl not invited to the party and the mum who wasn’t included in the girls’ lunch. It really sucks. It really sucks big time. I believe that we should include everyone as much as possible and we should aim to be a positive force for good. It flaws me and still absolutely hurts my soul when I see pictures on line or hear about the gathering I wasn’t invited to. Did they just not think of me? Do they not like me? Did they think I would be too busy? That's when I’m still that 10 year old little girl not being picked...
I have always happily attended Tupperware parties (love it so why not?) although refused to host one, gone to and hosted children’s clothing and book presentations (I’d rather help a friend out than a big store and how cool is it to receive free products in return for a couple of hours and having to bake a cake and make sandwiches??), supported my friends’ ventures with my wallet, even used to buy Amway to support a friend in my early days as a parent (but ran a mile when I was repeatedly ambushed with the business opportunity). I believe 100% in helping the business of anyone I know over a stranger. I will drive further and pay more just to do this.
And yet, here I am doing this ‘dirty filthy mlm network marketing pyramid scheme’ thing and a handful people I thought were friends, very very close friends, have barely spoken to me since I began this. Yes I have attempted to share MY venture and passion for what I am doing with them and truthfully felt a little let down when they said no but I shook it off and respected their choice. One of my kids was told by an old friend that I am annoyed with her that she won’t use oils!! Seriously??!! Haven’t heard from her in 18 months and any attempt by me to catch up has been ignored or rebuffed. There could be other reasons but I haven’t been granted the opportunity to find out or sort it out.
Am I a different person in the eyes of some because I am sharing the use of essential oils? Was I just too available to them before? Did they feel superior to me as a 'just a mum'?
I certainly had no plan to purchase at my first oils workshop and was not remotely a contender to do the business. But here I am loving something, building a business and doing pretty well I might say. These same people who run from my business, don’t give it a second thought to fill the pockets of faceless huge corporations or to ask me to support their projects, kids fundraising efforts, charities etc etc.
To others from the outside looking in, I have it all I guess. Why should they get involved with my business when I obviously have enough? I was lucky to be able to raise five kids without having to work. We travel a ridiculous amount and I live between two amazing countries (one of the bonuses of having kids young is that we can do this now!). I could be a lady who lunches and lives of what her husband provides but I have found something that gives me personal satisfaction and joy. I truly feel that I can make a difference in people’s lives with what I offer in my business and charitable endeavours.
I am way out of my comfort zone every day. Like way way out! And yet I keep on keeping on. I’m putting myself out there and trying to make a difference. If that isn’t good enough then so be it. It has taken my a lifetime of ups and downs, excitements and frustrations, joys and sorrows but I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. I can't really do anything other than me as it's all I know to be.
Take me as I am 'cause it’s all I have.